From Richard “The House Hippie” DiLello’s The Longest Cocktail Party, a day in the life of Apple Corps:

Press Office Release to UPI, AP, Reuters, PA: Apple announced today, September 30, that John and Yoko are resting comfortably at Tittenhurst Park after their completion of mixing and recording with the Plastic Ono Band their single, Cold Turkey.

”So cancel that interview this afternoon,” said The Press Officer and then his eyes fell on the cardboard box half hidden under The House Hippie’s desk. “And are those goddamn acorns still here?! What the hell are they doing under your desk!? Look, if those fucking things stay here any longer we’re going to have an oak tree growing in the middle of this office! Do you realize that if John Lennon comes up here and sees those things sitting here after we’ve said, ‘Oh, don’t worry, John, they’ve already gone,” that you are in for the bollocking of your life?”

The House Hippie blinked at The Press Officer like a sleepy mole moving into the strong sunlight of a midsummer’s day.

“Look, man,” he said, “it’s not my fault that the fucking printer is such a jerk-off artist. These things have been ready for weeks now but all they need is the labels and I called him again this morning and gave him a tongue-lashing and he’s promised delivery this afternoon and besides, John hasn’t been up here for years—”

“Never mind that! If they’re not out of here in this evening’s mail don’t bother to come in tomorrow! Understand?”

“Yeah, sure, chief. Whatever you say.”

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